"Here I Go Again . . . "

I know it's almost 5 in the morning, so this has to be quick. (I'm going to the Running Store in the morning with Beth Ann before she leaves for camp.) I'm trying to get back on track. Spiritually, emoionally, mentally (thought life), and even organizationally. This is also Chocolate Week, a week in which normal women generally go insane via feelings of inadequacy or extreme emotion. On top of that, BAB and I were trading stories about our amusing encounters with seemingly great guys last week while she was in Georgia.

All that said, today feels like one of those Singles' Awareness Days, except that it should really be called "Couples' Awareness Day." I just found out that three of my friends, whom I know were engaged, finally tied the knot. (No, I'm not talking about a Mormon wedding.) Two others just had kids, and, aside from my 20-year-old little brother being engaged, another (read: one more) friend of mine is engaged. (I didn't even know she was dating anyone. It's funny how we all lose touch.) Of my two best friends, one is getting married in a couple weeks, and the other is in a semi-serious relationship, just without that term "relationship" to stick onto it. But nonetheless, it is a relationship. I know all these people have high standards and have met wonderful people, so I'm really happy for them. I just feel a little more alone sometimes, though.

It got brought up recently in a conversation that I've rarely dated. As in, twice. Not your long-term relationships, either. I'm sick of flirtatious guys who aren't actually interested and those who just need a body with whom to make out, etc. I'm sick of feeling led on, and I'm sick of getting emotionally involved only to find out that it was just a waste of time. My mom keeps telling me to settle, basically, but I don't think I'm really so old that I have to lower my standards. Heck, if I took my mom's advice, I might settle for someone who wasn't even a Christian, but I've been down that road before and realized how stupid a choice that would be for me. The older I get, I think, the more I know myself and, following that, what kinds of things I can and can't live without.

Anyway. With all the people around me dating off and on and getting hitched, it's a bit scary to think that my life has been one long dry spell (haha). Maybe I won't get the chance to get married without "settling", or maybe any sort of romantic life just won't start any time soon. Maybe I'm just being that uber-emo, sappy, whiny little girl who just needs to mop up my sniveling, bloody heart. I'd agree pretty emphatically with that. Regardless, I have opportunities that I'm wasting here. I'm really considering an opportunity that I came across to get inolved in someone else's life, but who nows what I'll end up doing. This life is just not always cutting it, though. Something's gotta give.