Total Care

So I totalled my car on Wednesday. Actually, my dad had taken mine out of commission to fix it and sell it, so it was my brother's car that was totalled. Yeah, don't I feel like such a douche. (That's a yes there.) Anyway, though, everybody's fine. The other guy had been drinking, but the accident was my fault. I misread a traffic light while lost in Noblesville. He apparenly had cuts on his face, and my friend, Kendall, had cuts on her chin and left wrist, armpit, and chest, along with the usual bruises. I was lucky to walk away (or rather, hobble) with a sprained right foot and left ankle and an unhappy-but-fine left knee, along with some burns from the airbag and the usual bruises left by a seatbelt. We were lucky because the other guy hit us far enough toward the front (hard) that kendall was able to get away with just cuts and bruises. Also, I wouldn't have trusted the airbags in my car; my dad was surprised these ones worked because they hadn't been recharged. We had barely any burns, and I went back to work on Friday. I was really lucky not only to not have any broken bones (which could have ended my Army career before it started) or seatbelt harness bruises, but I was blessed in that my feet, and not my arms or wrists, were sprained. That meant I could carry furniture, risers, etc. at work even while gimping. At least I could pick things up. And everybody at work, including my boss, was really considerate and flexible with my slow and tentative gait. I found out that Cody might be able to break even on a new (used) car, and I didn't get a ticket, which saves me from more paperwork and "were-you-really-this-careless" looks in the Army. I was able to pay the wrecker bill on Thursday,and the car was hauled to my house for free (or the cost of a AAA gold membership -- thanks, Dad) on Friday. I wasn't able to see Chuck Howell get married, but I'll get to see the new couple at my going away party in August. Through all of this, God has been faithful, more than I had ever expected or could ever ask for. My pain has been minimal, more like the occasional ache, and my recovery has been short, though I still limp a bit now. Anyway, in case any of you have noticed that hunk of white metal in my driveway, that's the story behind it.

(I didn't spell check, so I apologize for the lack of proofreading.)

"Here I Go Again . . . "

I know it's almost 5 in the morning, so this has to be quick. (I'm going to the Running Store in the morning with Beth Ann before she leaves for camp.) I'm trying to get back on track. Spiritually, emoionally, mentally (thought life), and even organizationally. This is also Chocolate Week, a week in which normal women generally go insane via feelings of inadequacy or extreme emotion. On top of that, BAB and I were trading stories about our amusing encounters with seemingly great guys last week while she was in Georgia.

All that said, today feels like one of those Singles' Awareness Days, except that it should really be called "Couples' Awareness Day." I just found out that three of my friends, whom I know were engaged, finally tied the knot. (No, I'm not talking about a Mormon wedding.) Two others just had kids, and, aside from my 20-year-old little brother being engaged, another (read: one more) friend of mine is engaged. (I didn't even know she was dating anyone. It's funny how we all lose touch.) Of my two best friends, one is getting married in a couple weeks, and the other is in a semi-serious relationship, just without that term "relationship" to stick onto it. But nonetheless, it is a relationship. I know all these people have high standards and have met wonderful people, so I'm really happy for them. I just feel a little more alone sometimes, though.

It got brought up recently in a conversation that I've rarely dated. As in, twice. Not your long-term relationships, either. I'm sick of flirtatious guys who aren't actually interested and those who just need a body with whom to make out, etc. I'm sick of feeling led on, and I'm sick of getting emotionally involved only to find out that it was just a waste of time. My mom keeps telling me to settle, basically, but I don't think I'm really so old that I have to lower my standards. Heck, if I took my mom's advice, I might settle for someone who wasn't even a Christian, but I've been down that road before and realized how stupid a choice that would be for me. The older I get, I think, the more I know myself and, following that, what kinds of things I can and can't live without.

Anyway. With all the people around me dating off and on and getting hitched, it's a bit scary to think that my life has been one long dry spell (haha). Maybe I won't get the chance to get married without "settling", or maybe any sort of romantic life just won't start any time soon. Maybe I'm just being that uber-emo, sappy, whiny little girl who just needs to mop up my sniveling, bloody heart. I'd agree pretty emphatically with that. Regardless, I have opportunities that I'm wasting here. I'm really considering an opportunity that I came across to get inolved in someone else's life, but who nows what I'll end up doing. This life is just not always cutting it, though. Something's gotta give.

Hey Now, Hey Now, Don't Dream It's Over . . .

Sometimes I have dreams in which we are still the same, close old friends that we used to be. It's nice. I wish it was that way again, but I know it's not meant to be anymore. It's sad, but I've come to accept it. I still wish you the best, but I am walking in my own direction, wishing you well in yours and knowing that we will likely never cross paths again after I leave completely. And at least I have those dreams to warm my hands by on a cold day.

Second announcement: I'm having a going-away party (code name: cookout!) at the Ithaca Park in Ithaca, MI on August 9th. You're all invited. Please come dressed ridiculously. :D Forrealzyo, it's not a big deal, just a chance to eat hot dogs and the like with people with whom I enjoy eating hot dogs (or with whom I expect to enjoy eating hot dogs). (I like using "forrealzyo" and "with whom" in the same sentence.) Please bring only yourself, any significant other (they have to eat, too!), and any children or grandchildren you may have by this time in life (but they have to starve . . . jk).

I apologize if any part of this post has been offensive, moronic, or otherwise irritating. C'est la vie. Also, Josh Christy, I know you won't be able to make it, but please come in spirit. :)