Take it or leave it

After rehashing just how awkward I feel around family at my cousin's wedding tonight, I have come to a hopefully more than half-hearted and temporary conclusion . . . I am who I am. With family, I am the knitter of my generation, I think. I'm the one who tries to keep in contact with everyone, and that seems to work fine. But, as I would of course happen to be the only "weird" cousin, as my dad accidentally pointed out tonight ("Danielle and I are the only two who don't have the coordination and the athletics. . . ." "No, you used to be quite the runner! Didn't you even run marathons?!") -- I just don't feel like I fit. So. New decision here.

Whether I fit or not is their problem. I'm throwing it out there as an "I want to spend time with you because we're family, and I don't want to just lose those ties, like we're already doing" sort of thing. If they're up for it, fine. If they think I'm crazy for it, well, then, I sadly overestimated them. If they just don't want to spend time with me because I don't fit in with them (I swear, every last one of them is crazy athletic, smooth, funny, intelligent, and considered very attractive (general comment; c'mon here, we don't have a family telephone pole) -- well, then that's just it, then. I'm finally becoming at least comfortable with who I am, and I don't think that their initial impressions of who I am necessarily do me the most justice. I'm awkward and random, but I think that's something that many of my friends treasure as a part of the whole. So I don't know if I'm as weird or awkward or socially uncouth as they think I am. And if no one wants to hang out because of some limited impression of me, then that's not on me. I'd rather give them the benefit of the doubt, though.