so many things to decompact

 i guess that all of the insights i've come upon lately revolve in someway in my total and utter shirking of submission. first of all, let me say, there is one area of my life where i've been doing much better. it's like i've been running from this lion, and now that there's this wall separating me from the lions, i can relax against this wall of protection from myself. i am sometimes tempted to climb back over, but that's just not very sensical now, is it? (i may or may not have used that word correctly.) :) there are other parts of my life, though, where i find myself so incredibly resistant.

like with authority -- i hate authority. i hate rules. i hate someone telling me what to do, and if i don't like their reasons, i try to rebel, if only with my mouth. i hate AU's alcohol policy. it's dumb. at least for me. i have literally grown up around alcohol . . . but now i'm railing against the machine of AU again. i despise institutions, with all of their rigidity and their stark distance from humanity. anyway. this is something i need to work on, i guess. i don't have a problem with AU, really; i just resent one of my choices being taken away. 

the other thing that i've had to come to grips with (somewhat; i guarantee God's not finished with me on this one yet) is that i've got a complaining spirit in general. i have been operating under the assumption that knowing someone, truly knowing someone, means being aware of their faults as well as their good qualities. the only problem is, i'm too aware of my own character flaws and those of my friends.

anyway, i was walking to work today when i crossed paths with an adult ed student. i'm not gonna lie; she looked kinda frumpy when she was looking toward the ground. i raised my eyes at the last moment to meet hers at the last minute and gave her a big smile, and i couldn't believe how beautiful the face i saw became. it floored me that just a smile and "hi" could make someone come to life, could make years melt away, could reveal such hidden inner beauty. and i realized that i need to stop being so "aware of everything" about people and just be happy for their friendship. yes, to put it bluntly, maybe i need to start ignoring people's faults, even if that means i'm not seeing them in their entirety. maybe that's just God's job. haha i never wanted to judge someone; i only wanted to be know them through clear glasses, instead of dark or rosy ones. i think i'm gonna try the rosy ones back on, though, and just keep the other stuff in the back of my mind for those rainy days of situations and choices that require more discernment.

anyway. there it is.