Late-Night Musings

It's late, but I'm not quite tired enough to sleep quite yet.

Maybe friendships can't start again when two roads diverged in a wood, and he -- he took the one less traveled by? And do we ever really grow up, or do we just learn to camouflage the same childish questions in designer clothing? Is it the questions themselves that are childish, or just the mouths of the babes they come from? I don't have any answers.

And for me, specifically. What does it take to truly forgive things thought forgotten? I would genuinely like to change my perspective on things, namely, from pessimism to optimism. It makes forgiveness so much easier and healing so much more possible. Somewhere along the way, I've convinced myself that realism meant pessimism. Does it have to be that way? And change -- can people really change? Can I change? I don't always want to; sometimes apathy wins. I don't really seek answers from anyone; these are the rhetorical thoughts that keep vibrating in my brain. Can trust ever be validated? Maybe that's not the real question. How does one find sufficient validation in God? How does one find anything in God? I hear theories and abstractions all the time, but they seem to my ears like instructions to a dog to duplicate a Van Gogh painting. Mull that one over with your cider. For once, I would rather see this in action, especially up close, than to hear the words once again.

"A woman's heart should be buried so deeply in God that a man has to go there to find it."

I don't care about the man right now. I want something lasting, eternal. These are questions I would expect from a "non-Christian," but I am a Christian who has been tinged with doubt about all things over the last few years. I don't seek a fleeting feeling. I want something tangible, something lasting and consistent. In my experience, God hasn't been consistent, but, then, neither have I.

And that's enough for now. I'm tired enough for sleep at last.