Week 1 Reflections

Taken directly from my journal:
God, what have I learned from last week? 

All the time in the world isn't going to be enough to spend with you so that I'll be prepared, but somehow, you make something good out of everything. YEA GOD!!!!!!! 

Be patient with people, but it's okay to be strict on some things and still let teenagers be teenagers. Stop stressing over everything!!!!! 

Who cares what everyone else thinks? 

Confrontation is inevitable if I actually want to try to solve a problem and not just identify it. It's possible to confront someone in love and in a mature way. 

"God conversation" is great, but there will be kids that just close up when things get too deep. But it's good to push them to a place where it's deeper than hey expected. 

God's foresight is much stronger than even my aftersight. Accountability and consistency aren't "spiritual fireworks"-kinds of things, but they'll last you a lot longer. 

When in doubt, ask myself: "What is God trying to accomplish here? Am I just following my own ideas of how it's supposed to be?" 

Talk to the source of the problem second, pray first, and talk to someone else who can help or offer advice after praying more if the problem doesn't stop. 

Immaturity from campers is easier to handle than that of coworkers. 

Go crazy!!!! Why not? 

There are battles I'll have to face on my own, relying only on God's strength. 

I can pray in power, knowing once again for the first time that God will win. 

Forgive and accept forgiveness; then forgive myself. 

Have joy in all circumstances; decompartmentalize. 

Look beneath the surface and communicate. If at first you don't like someone, look; look again. 

God always provides. 

Grace and encouragement bring the giver and receiver closer to God.

TST Week 1

Where do I start? This is my Wall-to-Wall on Facebook with LeDerrick during this week, and it seems an appropriate intro:

LeDerrick: Hey girl!! How are you!?

Me: i'm great!!!! we have the sweetest at life group of kids this week. the bonding is amazing, but with only 1 week -- it's tough. i feel like we're not given enough time to go deeper, and i'm having a hard time connecting w/ them at a deep level. and i'll be honest; yesterday i felt like such a failure w/ my kids and my co, too. so please pray!!!! satan's tryin to get a foothold.

LD: aww! That's great! So I did say some prayers for you this week so I hope your week got better and you were able to connect with your kids! The enemy is trying to get you BUT HE IS LIAR!!! Satan get thee behind!!

Me: yeah, it turned out to be okay. i didn't get to go as in depth as i'd hoped, but i think they all got something out of it. it was hard not only because of the 1-week thing, but also because we had a ton of campers who had done TST a few times before, and most of them came in groups from their schools. it was awesome because, at the end of the week, it seemed like they were ALL friends who had gone to the same school -- like old friends, the whole group. but that also means that they were able to goof off and all the stuff that goes with it together lol. i was really glad last night when some of the girls broke bread with me for "perseverance" with the devos (namely, for asking them questions and asking them to pray when they were starting to fall asleep) and for adjusting my expectations from new fro to TST. so that was nice. all in all we got to talk about recognizing God's voice, how to really know Jesus, consistency, and decompartmentalization. 
  so basically, just thinking back on it, i think that it went better than i thought it was doing throughout the week. :) it just seemed that, with a group of girls who already are Christians and have heard the normal curriculum, that we kind of just had to wing it sometimes. those ended up being the best times -- when we finally moved onto something they were interested in and that they hadn't already heard a lot before. and thanks for praying!!!!!!!!!! i really appreciate it. :D

I guess the light didn't come on at the end of the tunnel until I was looking over my shoulder. In retrospect, we really did get to go fairly in depth about stuff, just not the issues that I myself had wanted to get into. This was more of the everyday, messy parts of living out our faith. I guess that I really had a lot in common with these girls. I just wish I had been more able to see and communicate that. Funny thing, though; I was so hung up on the fact that these girls were so totally differentsocially than I was in high school, that I was completely blindsided, I guess. So let me write a bit about each of the kids, so that I'll know how to pray for each of them and encourage them as time goes on.

My work team: Tyler V, Tyler M, Deric, Jessie, Kelsey, Amara, Lisa, and Nicole N.
My small group: Jessie, Kelsey, Amara, Lisa, Nicole, Jessica, and Stacey.
My cabin: Jessie, Kelsey, Amara, Lisa, Nicole N, Jessica, Stacey, Kaleigh, Nicole S, Nicky B, Lindsay, Kelley, Laura, 
The guys: Deric, Tyler P, Tyler V, Tyler M, JJ, Larry, Blake, Landon, Alex, and Max.
My co's: Lindsay S, Skylar V, Matt B, Ben (Verl's roommate); AD: Verl

How do I describe 24 people? AHHHHHH!
Tyler V - the funny guy; pray that he can hold strong to his faith and be serious when he needs to about his faith, do well & stay safe during soccer, good junior year, protect that heart. Memories: talking about soccer w/ him (not sure he wants to play next year since Varsity runs a ton), "Guys, I just really want to snuggle with him [the mole] right now!" --> "Hey, let's pretend we're vultures!" "Awwww" Run to infirmary for benadryl after pine sap. Having to split Tyler V & Tyler M up because they spend so much time together/talking that nothing gets done! Then he started working harder. Ran the log splitter a few times by himself (not "running" just guiding). Got SOAKED during water fight, even though he'd been just sitting there.

Tyler M - the cool guy who's not sure of the extent of his coolness; pray for confidence and leadership development, pray that he can see himself through God's eyes and not everyone else's, good junior year/soccer, follow God's example/guidance and not everyone else's, able to make his own decisions based on God, protect that heart. Memories: "PEASANT UPRISING" and all the embarrassment and begging that went on with it, "Hey, Tylers!" chat about confidence after campfire on the Hill, girls (Jessie & Amara) discussing how attractive they found him right next to him because he couldn't hear them (due to log splitter's motor) - yikes, getting drenched in water fight and soaking Kelsey on closing day during football, good worker, *zingers* carried all the pieces of stump to pile since it was infested w/ ants & no one else wanted to, Peasant Uprising on last day at mini rally, decided w/ Deric to make Jessica birthday cards on her birthday as a surprise.

Deric - the cocky guy who doesn't (usually) mind working; pray for humility, to see himself as God sees him, good junior year/soccer, protect his heart, accountability for/through friends. Memories: "zombie uprising" working hard with log splitter, "Deric says he worked harder than everyone" talking about music (TFK, Taking Back Sunday, Hawk Nelson, emo & screamo, etc.), *zingers* always teasing Lisa, jumping in & out of football game on Friday, comic relief, "i guarantee you that we won't get more than 3 logs split tomorrow" - "well, i'll bring an air horn if i have to" - "that still won't make us work" -- later "i knew this was gonna be a bad day" going to the infirmary because one of the girls dropped a stump on his ankle (black & blue & bleeding in 3 places - sweet!), 16th birthday on Friday, suckers from his mom, "DERIC'S a hard WORKER?" c/a "immature dad, little sister that gets into trouble all the time because she has ADHD & she's out of control" lol, same sort of background w/ dads & wood stacking, etc., caladonia has state footbal champs, but he doesn't play (sad day), really easy kid to talk to. Circled up to pray after doing wood, decided to debrief instead, Deric still holding hands w/ 2 girls (1 a senior, 1 a junior?) - robert "oh, you guys just want to hold hands, huh?" --> all 3 "ew, sick, that's gross!!!!!" HAHAHAHA

Jessie - the girl who came alone & bonded w/ everyone; pray for accountability & friends to support her, for everyone to actually hang out like they say they will & for jessie to be included, for God to bless & encourage her when she prays, for consistency, good junior year & guard her heart, forgive herself when she's given sins to God already. Memories: working hard with lisa & kelsey at wood splitter after robert and i had deric & amara take a break, haha wanting to help carry ant-infested wood, but being too grossed out, i remember that she burnt her nose & cheeks & that was it for the whole week, really kind, worked w/o drawing attention to herself, after the "respect talk" she tried to help out with that a lot, asked questions, really good answers, listened & disagreed when i was aiming for someone to tell the other side of things, really insightful, broke bread w/ me (perseverence at devos) & told me on Friday that i actually did a good job (meant a lot, but i still don't know if i believe it! hmm). 

Kelsey - the funny girl; pray for accountability & friends to support & encourage her, for her to make good choices, realize what she's about to do before she does it & not just after, consistency & encouragement (esp. in prayer), good (junior?) year & guard her heart, not let that great sense of humor get her into trouble, become a better listener. Memories: took pride in her work, hilarious, "oinky oinky oink" had to sit by sewage pipe when verl was mayor, pictures w/ tyler m., falling asleep during devos & getting asked to pray/read, ALWAYS having a good time/talking w/ the tylers or deric (lol), good heart, sensitive about people making fun of what she says, but puts on a good front about it, always mixed juice & water (why am i putting this down?), wrestling with logs that were huge & too big for her, *zingers* washed a worm in water so tyler v. could eat it (promised him a candy bar & gave it to him later), always started or became a target in water fights. 

Amara - the strong girl; pray for friends to love on her & help her through the tough times, a good senior year, find a church that will "speak her language," be able to be honest & open w/ her parents, let her be a kid. Memories: working really hard as soon as deric took a break and then not stopping until i had to pull her away later, sleeping in devos (lol), staying OUT of the water fight (the smart one lol), broke bread together, parents' ugly divorce, Armenian church w/ dad where she can't understand everything that's said, basically just sweet at life.

Nicole N - the team worker; pray for encouragement from friends & family, increasing consistency & depth, good junior year; worked really well w/ kelsey & lisa w/ the wood, answered questions in devos & really considered things, shines in groups because she pitches in and helps the team, great laugh, almost-inhaler-swap (lol now). 

Lisa - everyone's sister; pray for a great senior year, consistency & accountability w/ friends. Memories: "dani, i really have been working!" *zingers* teased the tylers & deric & got teased mercilessly in return, worked really well in groups, listened (awake) during devos, but really quiet, didn't really feel like i connected w/ her that much - almost felt like she thought that i didn't like her or something, but it wasn't the case. didn't really know how to connect w/ her, but i did try (inadequate at that, though). should have tried harder, i think.

Stacey - "the cheerleader" (the open one); pray for senior year, for consistency & strengthen friendships w/ kaleigh & the group, God work through her doubts & strengthen her faith through them, work in family & friends, rebuild friendship w/ her friend who chose a boyfriend over her, good friends to keep her accountable. Memories - backflips in a row, aced the teams course on the tires, joyful practically all the time, worried about her doubts & that things said by atheist friends were making more & more sense, one friend who had kept her accountable had ditched her for a crummy bf, spoke up at devos & got to have good conversations through devos w/ her, asked good questions & seems to have maturity & lots of potential if she just sees these doubts & questions as places for God to teach & stretch her.

Jessica - the outgoing, mature one; pray for this year at school (senior?), consistency, accountability, & decompartmentalization. Memories: "i don't want to just set aside a time to pray during the day. i want that to become a part of who i am, all the time." blew me away w/ her maturity and insightful answers, really wise, had her birthday on wednesday & got presents from the guys, returned the favor & made cards & got candy for deric on his birthday, great part of the group.

Co's - dealt a lot w/ lack of structure; Lindsay & I got really frustrated & the guys got frustrated w/ us because they're both more hands-off; felt like Lindsay thought I was just immature & was treating me like a camper, but it turned out that we have a lot in common & it was just misperceptions; Lindsay & I both struggled w/ training & superficiality of friendships & lack of new friends made during training, frustration w/ TST; lots of tardiness; Skylar wants less structure, Linds & I want more, Matt's still just a kid. Sometimes I believed that our kids were really trying to take advantage or pull the wool over our eyes & I was way too suspicious from stories of other crew chiefs. Skylar & Matt's kids slept in & were late for work on 1st day, our kids did that 2 days later & were on time for work, but didn't have much time for breakfast. Linds went off on Matt about lack of communication & punctuality, had a meeting later. Before meeting, got so frustrated w/ lack of focus at small group that I promised girls they could have showers that night, even though Verl had implied to me & told Linds that showers were a no that night. Verl really upset, he got in trouble, and I felt terrible, still felt at that point that Linds didn't like me as a co or in general. Starting to cry but hid it, but Skylar kept tapping my foot w/ his and asked me how I was doing -- meant a LOT. Felt really comfortable w/ Skylar & Verl, even though Skylar & I are so different in our ideas of being a crew chief, he even brought a question to Liz once and never once let a dispute over something turn into an argument, love his maturity. Got really upset that Matt was being overly sarcastic & inappropriate, asked him to work on both & he did (except yelling at kids outside bathroom as a joke & hurting the girls' feelings), didn't encourage him like I should have, though. Felt good about working w/ same team by the end of the week, but then got really upset by sexist comments that Matt made at the bank. Really worried about his immaturity and the things he'll say this coming week. Verl amazing, love encouraging him & how he likes being encouraged, frustration that encouragement doesn't seem to do much for Skylar & Linds, have been too frustrated w/ Matt most of the time to even see the positive to tell him, honestly. Ben was such a quiet servant, and he just gives off the smell of God. (I think we all gave off the smell ofsomething this week in the heat lol.)

Failure again . . .

Today, I had my final (in 2 parts), a final quiz (in 2 parts), and a class evaluation for the wrap-up of my online stats class. Camp being what it is and how it is, I just really haven't had the time to put into the class to get it all done, even though I've gotten up at 5 or 6 a couple of times to work on stuff for the class. So I didn't finish half the final, half the final quiz, or even the class eval. One of my friends from Res Staff says that I should email the prof, but I know the expectations were clarified straight up before I took the class, so it's my fault if I've failed to meet those expectations. I'm pretty sure I just bombed this class. Smack. At least I got to work on the 1st half of the quiz after I thought I could. I hate my life. Not really -- just the stupid requirements for 1-month summer classes. It's pretty much miserable.

ready to run :)

yesterday, i watched saved! lol, i've heard a lot of people say that they hate the movie for making a mockery of Christianity, but i love it. i don't think it's mocking Christianity, but it is mocking Christians. we just don't like people to point out our flaws. it's funny that one of the main characters, probably the most "grounded" kid in the movie, is a "normal" Christian. it's funny, there's this note on facebook that i read last year that promised that eminem was going to become a Christian, preachin' the word of God by the end of 2006. this note was based on the words of some modern "prophet" who was sought out by the President. well, THAT makes me believe he's for real. i think it's awesome when people are centered and certain of their faith, but when someone's blaring it over the loudspeakers, it sometimes makes me wonder. i have no right to judge, and i know from experience that maturity comes with time and trials. anyways, it happens. i know that i was there and did that, too. i was a little brat with a sailor's mouth. haha and cody would probably say i'm still a brat sometimes, and i do still have a nasty temper when i'm mad. anyways, moving on.

i've been working on stats for what seems like forever. i finally stopped because the voice on the presentations was driving me nuts. oh, well, i got a good break, and i got to work on this. and now it's time to shower, check out, and head back home to finish up the class and then work on open house stuff w/ my brother. hopefully an uneventful 4-hour trip home. :)

new blog :)

ok, well, i'm currently procrastinating, although i can't seem to decidewhat i'm procrastinating from (against?), whether that be sleeping (finally!) or homework. on second thought now, though, i guess that i'm procrastinating fro sleeping. which isn't a good idea, since i have a ton more work to do for my class, a load of dishes, and packing to get done all in a short enough time that i'll get home in time to make it to my brother's girlfriend's house tonight for her open house. not gonna lie, i don't think i'm gonna make it . . . i've been working hard at this class, it's just that i don't want to think anymore. and i'm not quite to the cranky, angry-whispering-at-the-computer stage (meant to unleash my frustrations while letting everyone else in the apartment sleep) quite yet. anyway, heather mentioned that this was a great place to procrastinate and also to actually record daily thoughts, and since procrastinating seems to be an art form i've got down to a science now (yes, pun intended), and since i'd like to blog about my daily experiences at The Hill this summer, it seemed like a good idea to become a copycat. sorry, heather. :) oh, well. i think it's time to stop procrastinating now . . . 5:52 am. goodnight! :)

MUSIC: "wrinkles" is playing over & over in my head -- by diamond rio (for the love!)

MOOD: tired